proof of life

I'm not sure I understand this, but that's okay. Carol Ann Duffy has written poems I couldn't understand before attending lectures about them. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/w/w…" width="15" height="15" alt="" title=" (Wink)"/>

The first line is particularly confusing... but looking again, I think you're referring to the process of drinking. I'm not sure you need that line at all. Then 'The glass empties as it fills me' is clear and rather nice. I'm just wondering if you could do something clever with the old half empty/half full cliché, especially as you're playing with clichés throughout the poem.

I'm baffled by 'Proof of Life is forty percent/by volume'. I'm getting into a thing of telling you to omit lines I don't understand! I think it needs work, at least. I am a lazy reader, and I like clarity; 'I'm mostly water, anyway.' That's a nice image, and then the line break works well, contrasting 'mostly' and 'A little'.

I like the way you take the cliché 'a little water never hurt anyone' and mess around with it. I must admit, I'm not sure of the significance of the fire. I think you could do something with it, though. A little fire can hurt you, after all - I think you're onto something, if you could just refine it.

Again, nice job reworking a cliché, with the tree/glass thing. I really like the ending - but I don't think you need 'I ask no one'. It's not really doing anything. I think that 'If I pour into a glass', up to the end, should be a single stanza. I don't suggest any other change there - I love the last six lines!